All Our Pretty Songs by Sarah McCarry

Author:Sarah McCarry
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 0101-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

Raoul rubs my back while I throw up in his toilet, and I am so miserable I don’t even feel shame. When I’m done I curl up on the floor of his bathroom and whimper.

“Come on, kiddo,” he says. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Your bathroom is very clean.”

“I like to maintain an appropriate convalescing environment for underage substance abusers at all times.” He tugs me to my feet and steers me back to the couch, covers me with a blanket, brings me water. Throwing up has made me feel only marginally better.

“Your apartment won’t stop moving. I’m going to die,” I wail.

“Eventually,” he agrees, “but probably not in the immediate future.”

“I want to die.”

“That’s different.” He strokes my forehead and the coolness of his touch soothes the throbbing. “You want to tell me about it?”

I tell him. I tell him everything. About the deer dress, the ice-eyed man. The black birds that came out of nothing. Cass’s amulet saving me. The valet and his forked tongue. When I’m done, Raoul is silent.

“I was really drunk,” I say. “I’m still really drunk.”

Raoul nods. “You are very drunk.”

“You think I’m making it up.”

“No. I don’t.”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t.” Raoul doesn’t know Aurora well, although he’s met her a few times. He’s never liked her parties, says he doesn’t feel safe. I never knew what he meant until now. “There are different kinds of real,” he says. “For now, I think you should get some sleep. And I would like you to promise me you will never drink that much again.”

“I will never drink that much again. Will she be okay?”

“Sweetheart, I don’t know. Maybe not.”

I left her there, I think. I left her there. Like Cass. Scorched earth, cut and run. Cass’s amulet got me out, but it sure didn’t do much for my friends.

“Raoul, what do you do if you fucked up and you don’t even know how?”

He kisses my forehead, straightens the blanket. “You’ll figure it out. I know you. Now go to sleep. When you wake up I’ll make you breakfast.”

“When I wake up it will be the middle of the afternoon.”

“Breakfast is a state of mind, not an hour.”

“I love you, Raoul.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

“I’m scared.”

He takes my hand. “It’s always okay to be scared,” he says. He holds my hand until I fall asleep.

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